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If we don’t change, we don’t grow.
If we don’t grow, we are not really living.

Gail Sheehy

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Throughout my life, I have been
terrified of change. To me, change meant
abandoning one set of experiences which,
although adverse, were at least
familiar. I thought I’d be replacing
them with another set of experiences
which would surely be at least as bad,
and which had the additional
disadvantage of being unknown.

In this program, I was appalled to see a
whole room of people who spoke
enthusiastically, joyfully, about the
changes that the program was bringing to
their lives –not just in terms of
released weight, but in so many areas of
day-to-day living. Panic-stricken at the
idea that I, too, would change, I talked
about it after the first meeting with a
dear friend.

“Hey,” she smiled. “No one’s forcing
you. If changing gets too scary, you can
always decide you want to stay put.”

Armed with that slight reassurance, I
decided I would go with the program
until it got too scary.

After a few weeks, of Change…..

I found myself looking forward to getting
up in the morning and adding all kinds
of things to my morning ritual: body
lotion, foot care, cosmetics. Amazingly,
my life-long habit of nail-biting
disappeared, and my nails are not only
well-tended, but polished!

On the professional level, I started
keeping a list of projects due, instead
of relying on my sketchy memory. I hired
someone to answer phones and to help
keep my eternally messy desk more or
less clear. Most important, I have
started an honest reassessment of my
relationship with my life partner, and
have decided that it’s not enough that
this is the first relationship of my
life that is free of physical abuse; I
deserve to be loved and desired, and to
have that love and desire expressed.

I am amazed to hear a strong, confident
voice–mine–saying “Our whole attitude
and outlook upon life will change,” and
I realized that I was changing. I love
it!

~ PERFECTION ~

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My imperfections and failures are as
much a blessing from God as my successes
and my talents, and I lay them both at
His feet.

Mahatma Gandhi

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I don’t know why I used to think that if
something wasn’t done perfectly, it
wasn’t worth doing. I was an all-time
overachiever, and to fail at something
was totally unacceptable. It was hardly
surprising that I couldn’t like, let
alone love, myself, since I set such
impossibly high standards for myself. I
was constantly pushing myself to excel
at those things I was good at, and would
beat up on myself if I failed to measure
up to the high expectations I held. I
was especially critical of my body and
thought that if I had the perfect body,
then my life would be perfect.

When I came into the program, I had to
learn not to be so hard on myself. For
the first time I began to realize that I
was human and could still be loveable
and worthy, even with all my
imperfections and character defects. I
am lovingly reminded by my sponsor and
my friends in the fellowship to be more
gentle on myself, and that I don’t even
have to do the program perfectly. I just
need to do the best I know how for that
day; then I can see progress one day at
a time. I don’t have to push myself to
be perfect all the time in order to win
approval or gain love. What a relief
that is!

ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .

I don’t have to be perfect all the
time. I just need to to be the best me
that I can for today, and that’s the way
God intended me to be.

~ SPIRITUALITY ~

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When the heart weeps for what it has lost,
the spirit laughs for what it has found.

Sufi proverb

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Before I came into this program, I had
thrown God out the window. In fact, I
was plain angry at Him. Where was He
when my only brother was killed in a car
accident, when my only nephews were lost
to me for many years as a result? Where
was He when my parents died, when I went
through my ugly divorce, when my
step-son committed suicide, or when I
had two major car accidents? I didn’t
know how to deal with all the feelings
around the grief, loss and pain. I was
spiritually bereft, although I didn’t
know it then. All I knew was that I was
depressed a lot of the time, and had
this great big hole in my soul that I
had to keep feeding so I wouldn’t have
to feel the pain or deal with anything
in my life. But the truth was that no
amount of food could relieve that
constant ache, and all that happened was
that I felt more and more fat, bloated
and miserable. The food that was
supposed to take away all the pain of
living was really causing me more pain.

When I came into program and heard the
three letter word, God, I nearly ran
away. I’m a very rational, logical
person so it was really hard for me to
believe what these crazy people were
saying, but I was desperate enough to
keep coming back. I had to act as if I
did believe that I could recover and
that a Higher Power might help me. When
the miracles started to happen, my faith
began to develop, and I slowly realized
that my Higher Power was always with
me. I now have a far better way to fill
that hole in my soul, and it is a far
more satisfying and saner way than
filling it with mountains of food.

BOUNDARIES

People are lonely because they build
walls instead of bridges.

Joseph Fort Newton

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When I was growing up I remember always
being lonely and I never had many
friends. In order to protect myself from
the pain of rejection, or perhaps
because I didn’t have self-esteem or
believe in myself, I gave the impression
that I didn’t need people. I was
probably thought of as a snob. I thought
that people didn’t like me because I was
shy and introverted, but I had built up
around myself an impenetrable protective
wall which didn’t invite anyone in. It
was small wonder that I spent many
lonely nights buried in a book or food
or any other solitary pursuit for that
matter.

In my adult years I became a
people-pleaser in the hopes that people
would like me more. That even spilled
over to include my children as well,
which meant that I wasn’t able to say no
to them or anyone else unless they
stopped loving me. I would say yes when
I really meant no, and consequently I
was always filled with resentment and
felt even even lonelier than ever. I
didn’t know how to set boundaries and
was terrified that if I said no, people
wouldn’t love me anymore.

I now know that when I set boundaries,
it is an affirmation of my worth, and in
most cases I am respected and liked by
those people who are really my true
friends. My children, too, have
benefited from my having set boundaries
with them, and they have more respect
for me than before. I am beginning to
realize that it is just fine to do what
is right for me, and that it doesn’t
have to jeopardize any of my
relationships.

ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .

I am learning that it is right for me to
define my boundaries with those that I
love, knowing that I set these
boundaries in love and friendship,
rather than hostility, and that I am
still a lovable person.